Art Imitating Life

At first, I thought this photograph was doctored. Then I realized I was looking at it on the Life Magazine photo archive website.

I must say, I get a little frustrated by gender barriers some times. Specifically, purses.

I don’t understand why a woman can use a purse to hold her keys, her wallet, her cell phone, a box of mints, a book, an iPod, a Nintendo DSi, a couple pens, and various papers, while a man must use pockets and look like he has Lumpy Legs.

I know I’m going to catch a lot of flak for this, because “A small bag carried on the shoulder? WOMEN ONLY, MISTER!” And as a man, I have some options for carrying things. But, much like the choice between a basket and a shopping cart at the grocery store, my options, as a man, are either comically tiny or comically massive.

Pockets. Barely any room and give you Lumpy Legs.

Cargo pants. When I was in 9th grade I wore cargo pants. This was not for fashion, but for utility: I used the hell out of those massive pockets. I put cargo in them. But, that is a thing for young boys. I am a Man now, and cargo pants would be unseemly; it was long ago time to put aside childish things. Also they give you Lumpy Legs.

Messenger bag. I’ve been told I can carry a messenger bag, but the only messenger bags I can find are still comparably huge. I don’t need to fish in the bottom of an 18-inch deep satchel when I could have a 6-, 8-, or 10-inch-deep purse.

Here’s the thing. When you are a boxer and you punch the other man better than he punches you, that is considered very manly AND YOU WIN A PURSE. It is a purse full of money.

So maybe I can carry a purse. Maybe it just needs to be stuffed full of hundos.