I present my humble mashup to you without comment.
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See for yourself:
I grew up listening to Bob Seger. I know most of his songs, and have known them since before I knew who Bob Seger was. Because of that, I didn’t actually pay close attention to the lyrics of many of his songs until recently.
Have you heard the song Main Street? If not, here you go. Pay attention to the lyrics. (Video is unrelated.)
In case you don’t have speakers/don’t have time/don’t care, I’ll dissect these lyrics for you.
I remember standing on the corner at midnight
Trying to get my courage up
There was this long lovely dancer in a little club downtown
I loved to watch her do her stuff
Through the long lonely nights she filled my sleep
Her body softly swaying to that smoky beat
Down on Main Street
Translation: I love spending a lot of time at the strip club. I even have a favorite stripper! I have dreams about her. I really think I am in love with this stripper.
In the pool halls, the hustlers and the losers
I used to watch ‘em through the glass
Well I’d stand outside at closing time
Just to watch her walk on past
Unlike all the other ladies, she looked so young and sweet
As she made her way alone down that empty street
Down on Main Street
Translation: Sometimes I go to places other than the strip club, but I don’t really go inside. Mostly I just walk by them on the way to the strip club. When the strip club closes, instead of going home I hang around so I can stare at my favorite stripper. Even though she is a stripper, and even though I have never spoken to her and know nothing about her, I know she is different from all other strippers. I think she loves me. Oh! Here she comes.
And sometimes even now, when I’m feeling lonely and beat
I drift back in time and I find my feet
Down on Main Street
Down on Main Street
Translation: I am still obsessed with that stripper. I wish I could still stalk her.
Let me be clear: I have no problem with strippers. I think, as Emily has said, it might actually give more power to women than we say. But strippers are just doing a job: they are showing you their naked bodies for money. It’s just that songs about stalking strippers and their authors and those who sing them are creepy.
A young man played percussion in his college’s varsity marching band. Two weeks before the big football game, the young man was hit by a car and sent to the hospital. After a several days in the hospital the doctor approached the young man and said, “Son, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. We’re going to have to amputate your legs at the knees.” This devastated the young man; he could no longer march at the big football game.
The time came for the big football game and all the young man’s friends were there to see it, despite the fact that he was not marching. They were enjoying the game, when whom do they see but the very young man who had his legs amputated but two weeks before. Confused, they went up to the young man after the game and asked him how he was able to march after having his legs amputated. “Oh,” he said, “I was marching with the feet of a different drummer.”
I really enjoy the differences between seasons. And I don’t just mean the temperatures, I mean things like the clothing, the food, the activities, and I really really enjoy the different music.
I don’t mean Christmas music versus not Christmas music. I mean music you only listen to in the fall. Or music that really puts you in a summer mood.
I am getting really excited for my summer music.
On Art’s Summer Playlist:
Upbeat songs by Beck
311’s blue album and Grassroots
Dookie by Greenday
The good songs from the A Mighty Wind soundtrack (mostly anything by the Folksmen or the New Main Street Singers)
Lots and lots of The Offspring
My dozen or so favorite Cake songs
Who’s Johnny by El DeBarge
Boys in the Hood by Dynamite Hack
Old Shit/New Shit by Eels
Sugar by System of a Down
Summer Time by Mungo Jerry
The Devil’s Song by Marcy Playground
Bullet by Bob Schneider
And so on. These are my summer tunes, just itching to get out and play.
But for now, I am ringing in spring, as I do every year, with a little Tom Lehrer:
When I filed my taxes (actually, when I had my mom do it, because I’m a child), I discovered (my mother informed me) I am receiving $300 in stimulus money for some reason. I am a patriotic American, so I intend to use this money to its exact purpose: to stimulate the economy. Which means I’m going to buy some stuff.
But I’m no fool. I think before I spend. I present to you three options I am considering for my $300.
The Nerd Collection
Register www.punsultancy.com $10
Fill out my Led Zeppelin collection (all their albums except Houses of the Holy) $75
Battlestar Galactica seasons 1, 2, and 2.5 (I own three and four already, which give it a slightly more nerdy edge) $70 (on Amazon)
LOST seasons two, three, and four $125 (on Amazon)
Dark Knight $20
OR
The Comedy Collection
All My Stuff (George Carlin DVD box set of TV specials) or Seinfeld — the complete series $180
Let’s Get Small and A Wild and Crazy Guy (Steve Martin comedy albums) $15
Venture Brothers Season 3 (but only after March 24) $20
Andy Richter Controls the Universe — the complete series (but only after March 24) $30
Saturday Night Live season one — $50
OR
The Responsible Adult Collection
Membership to the Minnesota Interactive Marketing Association $195
Microsponsorship of MinnPost $25
New business cards $20
Socks and underwear $40
Backorder www.artallen.com on Godaddy $20
And there you go. $300 smartly spent.
So what do you think? Which would you spend your $300 on?
Like many people, I love music. Specifically, the following instruments are my favorite of all time:
Xylophone
Banjo
Bass guitar
Mandolin
Electric organ
Cello
Love them though I do, these instruments should never be all in the same band. I mean, banjo/mandolin go well together (bluegrass), mandolin/cello wouldn’t be so bad if you did it right, bass/xylophone/electric organ are all jazz staples.
This full grouping, however, would be known as a suckstet.
I guess that’s all I have to say on the matter. What are your favorite instruments, and how poorly would they sound in this band?
I’m a big fan of the superest of the Supergroups, the Traveling Wilburys. For those of you not in the know, the Traveling Wilburys were Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, George Harrison, Roy Orbison, and Jeff Lynne (some dude from ELO. I don’t know. I’ve never heard of him either). They made exceptional music in which ever style they decided to grace with their attention. Plus, they had a great sense of humor: they released two albums, Traveling Wilburys Volume 1 and Traveling Wilburys Volume 3. There was no Volume 2. Doesn’t that drive you a little nuts? I love it.
I was recently listening to Under Pressure by David Bowie and Queen, and I thought “You know what, David Bowie and Freddie Mercury should have formed a Supergroup.” They would have been an excellent core. Here is who I think should have been in the group:
David Bowie
Freddie Mercury
Robert Plant
Meat Loaf
Bob Seger (because you need one guy no one cares about and his voice would work well in this mix)
This could have been a Supergroup to rival the Traveling Wilburys. They could have had street rumbles and nobody would know who would win.
Which just leaves one thing: they need a name. What is your idea?
Who would you take out? Who would you put in?