Archive for the ‘NERD’ Category

I am writing a book

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

Indeed, it is true! I am writing a science fiction comedy book, and it is coming along well. I’m not going to talk alot about it, but I will share with you a paragraph that will not be appearing in the book. Think of this as a teaser that gives away nothing.

He is also a Star Wars fan–and aggressively so. He goes to Star Trek conventions to piss off the Trekkies. But not just to razz them with quips and zingers; he buys the $1500 platinum seats that get you the private dinner with William Shatner just so he can ask jackass questions and fart loudly. He is a motherfucker.

Not an Unreasonable Request

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

The closest I’ve ever been to genuinely thinking “Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder” came last week while watching the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine season four special features with Emily. This is Emily’s first viewing of Deep Space Nine, so every changling that is revealed, every new character, every anything is new to her. (It was especially entertaining when she watched The Next Generation for the first time.) She really likes to watch every episode in order and gets mad at me when I suggest we skip a terrible episode, even though she agrees how terrible the episode was after the fact. She also likes to watch the special features for every season immediately after the season ends.

Now, I’m no special features expert, but as a human being with a fucking brain it is so obvious to me that you limit the content in your special features to what has already happened. You don’t reveal in the season four features that Worf and Dax get married at the end of season five.

Maybe that shit flies in the mirror universe, but here in the regular universe you’re just assholes.

When the Aliens Come

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

I’ve loved social media for years now, based solely on its own merits. The democratization of information (big words for big ideas) has been a critical factor for journalism, politics, and humanitarian efforts for anywhere between two and six years (I start counting at Howard Dean). It takes the dissemination of information partly out of the hands of the Big Guys (Media, Government) and gives it to everybody.*

But yeah, ok, so you see a picture of a plane in a river or you save people from earthquake rubble. Big deal. The biggest achievement of social media has yet to come: letting us know about the aliens. This is genuinely what I am the most excited for social media to bring to us.

See, every sci-fi geek since H.G. Wells wrote The Time Machine (decent book; wouldn’t base a genre on it) has been waiting for the aliens to come, and every sci-fi geek since 1948 has known that when they do (or when the did), the government will (did) cover it up. Until now.

If aliens crash near, hover around, or otherwise come in contact with humans, it will be all over the social web. It will be like a virus (but the good kind; not the kind normally associated with alien invasions), first starting as a tweet along the lines of “Um. Aliens?” And then someone will retweet that, and then ten more people will retweet it, and so on. Then maybe it will trend. Then someone will post something to TwitPic, and that will trend. It will spread across Facebook, and only every fifteenth item in your news feed will be not about the aliens. Then CNN will pick it up and show five or six different cell phone videos. Then variants on this will dominate nine of the top ten trending topics (I’m certain something about BeyoncĂ© will still be seven or eight), and it will be otherwise independently verified half a billion times over (that number is likely not an exaggeration, either).

Five days later, the government will reluctantly say something.

Ten years ago, this would not have been possible.

*99 times out of 100 this is a terrible, terrible thing.

Emily Watches Star Trek

Friday, November 13th, 2009

For three months this past summer, Emily was unemployed; this gave her ample time to watch DVDs while applying for jobs. After a single cajole by your humble author, Emily was convinced to sit down with the entire seven seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation and watch them from Encounter at Farpoint to All Good Things… Since this is the 21st century, she was on gchat, keeping me up to date on all the latest.

Following are some of my favorite exerpts from Emily’s first viewing of any Star Trek television series.


Emily:
MAN IN SKIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Later]

Emily: MORE MEN IN SKIRTS
they’re in some sort of dress uniform and all wearing skirts
me: well those are not skirts though
because they are wearing pants
those are just long jackets
Emily: well when hipster girls wear leggings they are still wearing skirts


Emily: the Picard doppelganger almost had sex with Dr. Crusher
Me: wait, there’s a Picard doppelganger?
Emily: yeah he got kidnapped
with three other people
and a doppelganger was running the ship
Me: oh yeah
Emily: and now he apparently needs a vacation

Emily: Picard has spent most of the current episode in a metallic Speedo
me:
haha
Emily:
he also just punched a Ferengi, which I enjoy
me:
I believe he will get it on in this episode
Emily:
it’s looking that way

[Later]

Emily: picard DID IT

Emily: this episode is WEIRD
me: which one is that?
Tin Man?
Emily:
no, the one after that
there’s this awkward engineering guy
who keeps going into the holideck to have sexual fantasies about Troi
me:
oh, Barclay

Emily: Picard just said “my love is a beaver”
me:
haha
oh, is he reciting things to mom troi?
Emily:
wait FEVER
his love is a fever
me:
haha
Emily: but yes, he was awkwardly trying to pretend to woo her, and then started spouting Shakespeare
me:
that scene is classic



Emily: well Data is reading poetry
me: ohh
the poem about Spot
Emily: Ode to Spot
he says Spot isn’t sentient
I think Bernard is sentient